Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I can read

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

How do you have intercourse with a girl who can remember you for a long time?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Trump is going to target known criminals in the country illegally for deportation. The Democrats have vowed to fight him every step of the way. Don't they understand this is one of the issues that cost them the white house, the house and senate?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have a reading level above third grade

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

What are some sex stories from your college days?

I have complete contempt for fakery

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand how hurricane paths work

Russell takes win in Canada as Piastri and Norris collide - Formula 1

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t cotton to rapists

Is Father’s Day getting more respect? Depends on who you ask - AP News

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t buy bullshit

"I Always Travel With This": Doctors Are Sharing The Illness-Avoiding Practices They Always Implement While Traveling, And They're So Important - BuzzFeed

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Jonas Brothers cancel and move upcoming concerts, including one in North Texas - WFAA

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Scientists Are Getting Closer to Finding Evidence of the Fifth Force - Yahoo

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Why do I get spun and then want big fat cocks to suck?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Do interviewers discriminate against a candidate if he or she is overweight (assuming physical fitness is NOT part of the job requirements)?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Thunder-Pacers: Jalen Williams scores 40 as OKC wins Game 5 of NBA finals - Al Jazeera

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I can count

Oil prices jump more than 3%, adding to last week's surge, as Israel strikes Iran energy facilities - CNBC

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

What do you do when your family doesn’t care about you?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I see through liars

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I actually pay taxes

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I took the same Oath and took it seriously